Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Floor bacon is actually really good
and you fell through a lawn chair
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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