Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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