I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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