I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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