it wasn't lemon gatorade
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
