def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
