how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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