well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
3 2 1 whiskey
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
