She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
