You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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