I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize