I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
