the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
