so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
