I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
