Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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