i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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