Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
