Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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