I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
