Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
