i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
