Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
