Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
