He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
