you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
