I think I died a long time ago.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
