my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
