after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
