i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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