I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
