A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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