did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker