It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.