According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.