what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
