sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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