what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
