All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
