Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
