Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
