I think I won the penis lottery.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize