so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Welp...herpes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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