Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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