I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
