We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
