just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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