My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I currently don't understand fingers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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