It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
