i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
