I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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