You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Two words: blizzard sex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
