my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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