There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
