I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
