winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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