your room smells of hookers.
And success
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
