i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
