i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
